17-year-old takes grieving mom for birthday dinner, leaves restaurant when she berates the server: 'The waitress was crying'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 23, 2025 9:00 PM EST

Some people handle grief in the most unexpected of ways.

Losing somebody close to us is one of the ultimate experiences where we cannot truly understand what it feels like until it happens, and even then. sometimes, the grieving struggle to identify their feelings. While it is an inevitable part of life, that doesn't make it any less difficult—especially when the loss is unexpected. 

Still, there is little excuse for aggressive behavior even when enduring the pain that comes with losing a loved one. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience anger and lash out while they are mourning, but sometimes this can go an extreme that is unacceptable. Those around them suffer for it, and things can become even more of a struggle when they feel like they have responsibility for cleaning up the mess. It is not a pleasant thing to go through for anybody involved.

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  • a receipt tray with a bank note on it on a restaurant table
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

  • Am I wrong for leaving my mum alone at a restaurant on her birthday without paying?

    Perhaps important context to preface, my (17M) father died a few months ago (long story) so we all haven't really been in the best place.
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • After my dad died I immediately got a part time job alongside school to help out, and had saved up some money. It was my mum's birthday so I decided to treat her to a meal at a restaurant. We get there and place our orders, and they take perhaps a bit longer than usual
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • (but not that long) to come out. When our food arrives my mum makes a snarky comment to the waitress about the service time and the waitress apologises, saying they are short- staffed today. The waitress leaves and I thought that was the end of that.
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • After eating her starter, my mum notices they made her main "wrong" and immediately gets up and goes to find the waitress again. I beg her not to make a scene but she ignores me. She was not satisfied with the waitress' initial response and began publicly berating her - it became a very one-sided screaming match.
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • a young man sits at a table in the corner of a restaurant
    via edwin aviles

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Amongst other things I can't write here, she called her a w e, b h and asked her if she was "so I d that she couldn't follow basic instructions". She was screaming about how her husband had just died and she just wanted to have a nice birthday but it was ruined
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • thanks to "this (r s I won't repeat but which I have never ever heard her say in my life before this)". The waitress was already crying by this point. The manager tried to throw my mum out and threatened to call the police - she wouldn't leave so he called them.
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • Honestly, at this point I was just so mortified and embarrassed that I got my stuff, apologised to the waitress and gave her all the cash in my wallet (which would've been enough to cover what I ordered but not much beyond that, if I had stayed I would've paid by card) and walked out of the place and took the bus home (my mum had driven us there).
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • When she got home she was fuming and started screaming at me, saying that if I had taken her side it wouldn't have gotten to that point and I should have at least tried to deescalate the situation as I knew it was her birthday and she hasn't been doing well recently. I told her that I had never seen such
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • poor behaviour and that she acted appalingly and that for someone of her age who is supposed to be a role model she should be ashamed. She then threw my phone on the floor and grounded me "until I understand family values".
    via OsuComeAndGetMe
  • a close up of an older woman with short hair looking serious
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Kind-Philosopher1 I'm so sorry for your loss, you sound like a loving supportive son and your mom is lucky to have you. That being said, she needs help. Much more help than you and internet strangers can provide. She is lost in her grief and lashing out. If this is as out of character as you said she needs professional help ASAP before her behavior compounds the bad situation she finds herself in.
    via Kind-Philosopher1
  • Do you have a trusted adult you can ask for help from? Does she have a support network you can call and share how volatile she is with? The state she is in is dangerous, acting that way with the wrong person could end tragically. I wish you health and happiness, I hope you both find peace and comfort in your memories with your Dad.
    via Kind-Philosopher1
  • Classic_Ad3987 You were right to leave. You mom displaced her anger about her husband dying onto the waitress. You mom needs to head to therapy to figure out why she did that and learn coping skills so she never does that again. She obviously is not dealing well with the death of a loved one.
    via Classic_Ad3987
  • OnyxEyez You are NTA AT ALL! I'm worried though that as this is completely new behavior for your mom after a trauma that she may be heading into a crisis/ breakdown situation. Is there anyone you can go to/ talk to about this? She needs help fast, and it is much bigger than you. If there are family members or other adults you trust, get them involved ASAP. Make sure you have your local crisis line number at hand.
    via OnyxEyez
  • You are in no way TA, and it sounds like it might be much more than you can handle on your own. Do you have any other support system?
    via OnyxEyez
  • Mooshu1981 NTA. Your a minor. Your mom is making you older than you are. She is also grieving. I would advise counseling for her to deal with your father's death. Everyone grieves differently. However your mom going off like that in a public place is a sign she needs help and she may not be ready to be out in public yet.
    via Mooshu1981
  • Ok_Attitude7158 It sounds to me like she was expecting you to take on the role of her husband/your dad, which is absolutely not your job. If you were a 40 year old man I'd say maybe you should be able to tell that she's having a breakdown and should try to put your embarrassment aside and deescalate the situation and get her out of there, but you're so young and
    via Ok_Attitude7158
  • this is all new for you and you are grieving too so nobody should expect that of you. She's the parent and should be taking care of you, not the other way around (although realistically you'll both be taking care of each other for a while). I hope you both can get the help you need to navigate this incredibly difficult time. I lost my dad a year and a half ago and holy hell was that hard. It still hurts but not nearly as intense. It will get easier in time.
    via Ok_Attitude7158
  • Also, it was really kind of you to take your mom out for dinner for her birthday, not a lot of 17 year old boys would even think to do that. And the way you handled the waitress was very kind as well.
    via Ok_Attitude7158

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